The Cultural Hyphen
(continued)
I politely asked him to step aside. He ignored me and went on shouting nasally into the phone. His loud, annoying Chinese voice was eating away at my weary nerves. After being polite, and being ignored for an extended period of time, I growled, "EXCUSE ME!" and shoved my way into the bathroom. Immediately he grabbed my arm and started scolding me in Chinese. I yanked my arm back and went to the bathroom. Waving his cigarette in the air, the old man continued to yell at me as I made my way out. Something about respecting your elders....
Finally I made it back to my table. I sat there next to my brother. I noticed some old Chinese women pointing at me. I ignored them and went on eating. Later on while I was walking through the crowd, I pretended not to see those same old women again. This time I overheard some of their conversation. They made fun of some of the Caucasians and African-Americans, the "foreigners" who were here as friends of the family or as spouses of other family members. It never really bothered me until now because I never really paid any attention to what was going on. Caucasians had always been referred to as "Lo-fans" or "Fan-wi-lo." I never gave much thought to the meanings of any of these phrases which, directly translated, mean "white barbarian" and "white demon." It even made me more ashamed of "My Heritage" when I heard them refer to African-Americans using the Chinese word for charcoal. But then they referred to me as a "Jook-sing."
Translation: A derogatory term meaning 'He's so American,' or more accurately, 'Dumber and lazier than a real Chinese.'
The next day, I was happy to be back in familiar territory. I was hanging out with my friends like I always did. I told them of my adventures from the previous day. They were astounded to hear that I was not used to eating rice all the time. We went to a 7-11. I bought a soda and we all went over to watch the people who were playing video games. A guy turned away from the Street Fighter II machine and looked at me.
"Awwww man!! And I was doin' good!! This guy's probably gonna kick my butt!" I left the mini-market rather quickly. When I got outside, I bumped into another guy. It took him five seconds to raise his hands over his head and scream...."WHOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"Man, don't mess with him. You know all these Bruce Lee types."
It was very sobering for me to realize just how alienated I was. Automatically I became a video game wiz and an expert martial artist who eats rice with chopsticks every night. I started to think of my entire life. How many times people assumed I was a math genius, how many times I have heard...
"What are you?," and "...You don't seem Chinese. I mean, you don't play with computers, you don't do karate, you don't have an accent, your hair doesn't look like Moe from the Three Stooges..." or, "Ya know, you could pass for a Filipino!" In my life, I have heard references made to gooks, chinks, jap, nip, and coolie. I sat through Breakfast at Tiffany's. I have braced myself in the presence of "Dental-Floss Blindfold" jokes.
I silenced myself when others pulled at the sides of their eyes and bucked their teeth. I asked myself - why am I forced to put up with this? Just because my hair is dark and straight. Just because I am short and my eyes are a little more narrow. Little things that, for some reason, make me so different. Me. The guy who was, in the eyes of my own relatives, a "Jook Sing, ... so American...."
I asked myself if I was lying when I filled in the bubble that read 'Pacific-Islander' or 'Asian-American.' I wondered if I and others like me always would be separated from the world by a hyphen.
Born and raised in San Diego's white suburbia, Andy Lowe is a Chinese-American student attending UCSD. Andy has been a contributor to non-profit alternative publications such as NONSENSE, as well as a founder of The Visionary Magazine. This story, The Cultural Hyphen, was originally written for Pam Ramsey's A.P. class at Clairemont High School. It was also the starting block for Andy's play, The Cultural Hyphen, which was produced by the Young Playwright's Project at the Old Globe Theatre from November 9 - 20, 1994 and recently played in San Diego.
Bridge illustration by Duke Windsor.
